What is best for my children…

CHILDREN BIRTH TO 36 MONTHS

Their age ,Their “jobs”, Their needs, Signs of distress:(especially if it goes on for a long time)

Their age Birth – 12months

Their Jobs • To develop trust • To attach to one or more healthy adult (parent,extended family,caregiver)

Their needs
• Predictability,consistency, and routine• Stable and secure relationships• A healthy attachment to at least one adult.

Signs of distress: (especially if it goes on for a long time)
• Excessive crying • Feeding or sleeping problems• Withdrawal• Irritable and
depressed.

Their age 1 – 3 years • To explore the world• To develop language• To develop control (this is when they say a lot of no’s)
Their needs • Understanding that they can’t remember people who they don’t see very often • To know a loving adult is always available • Predictability,
routine, and structure• Security, love, and flexibility
Signs of distress: (especially if it goes on for a long time)• Withdrawal • Crying, clinging that lasts more than twenty minutes after a separation• Changes in eating and toileting• Delay in development

SAMPLE PARENTING SCHEDULES
The information and graphs below are samples of parenting time schedules based on children’s ages and different parenting styles. They are provided as a tool to give you ideas in order to help you create your own personalized schedule. Parenting time should be scheduled based on the needs of each individual family. You may fillout your own parenting schedule using the blank calendar in the Guide.
Plan A Samples: These plans are best suited where one parent has not been the child’s primary caregiver and/or wants regular contact but is not able to provide extensive care-giving due to an inflexible work schedule or other circumstance.

Plan B Samples: These are best suited for parents who have been involved in the day-to-day care of the child and who want greater contact than is afforded in Level A plans.

Plan C Samples: These are best suited for parents who have been involved to a significant extent in the day-to-day care of the child and desire maximum contact.

Sample Schedules: What Is Best For My Child

Sample Schedules: What Is Best For My Child

CHILDREN THREE TO FIVE YEARS OLD

Their “jobs”• To engage with outside world • To develop relationships with other children• To be able to better understand limits set by their parents or
caregivers

Their needs • Increased ability to “hold” another person in their memory• Continued predictability routine, and structure• Consistent discipline
between parents when possible• Freedom from direct conflict• May benefit from blocks of time with each parent

Signs of distress:(especially if it goes on for a long time)

• Regression in toileting,sleeping, and eating• Irritability, clinging• Anger and behavior problems

CHILDREN AGE SIX TO TWELVE YEARS OLD 6-8 years

Their “jobs” • To increase understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality • To deepen attachments with other people (parents, teachers, etc.)
• To notice gender differences • To believe in fairness

Their needs• To be reminded that the divorce-separation is not their fault• Structured and consistent time with each parent if appropriate • Parental support at school and sport activities • Support for exploring and expanding
interests and relationships.

Signs of distress:(especially if it goeson for a long time)

• Physical complaints (e.g., stomach aches,headaches, etc.)• Sleep problems• Expression of anger and behavior problems with parent most connected to
• Bed wetting, baby talk

CHILDREN AGE SIX TO TWELVE YEARS OLD 9-12 years

Their “jobs” • To feel good about relationships and their physical development
• To develop and test values and beliefs • To be connected to their school and
community

Their needs •Consistency and predictability in schedules and routines• Parent support in school and sports activities• Encouragement and permission to love both parents• Reminders that the divorce-separation is not their fault• More open communication with their parents

Signs of distress:(especially if it goeson for a long time)

• Loss of interest in friends and other relationships • Isolate themselves• Become “too good”• Depression and extreme rebellion

CHILDREN AGE THIRTEEN TO EIGHTEEN
Their “jobs” ,Their needs, Signs of distress:(especially if it goes on for a long time)
Their “jobs”• To develop greater independence and
separation from family• To develop a sense of moral values (these may change)• To express resistance and rebelliousness while forming their identity (much like two years old)• To be naturally selfcentered

Their needs • Flexibility and understanding from parents regarding their time with friends and activities• Reminders that the divorce-separation is not their fault• Many teens want a say in the parenting plan • Positive role models
• Reasonable, firm,and fair guidance.

Signs of distress:(especially if it goes on for a long time)
• Excessive anger and negativity• Excessive isolation,depression
• Trying to be “too good”• Difficulty with school or peers• Alcohol and drug
use, sexual promiscuity.

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June 29, 2011 · 16:16

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